| MALLS |
CLOTHES NEW!
 |
| EMPLOYMENT |
Project
Collaberation Software
| ENTERTAINMENT |
| LINKS |
VirtualeMedia Self Improvement
EMAIL VirtualeMedia.com Link to a Friend Click Here!
Are You Codependent or Independent?
by: Brian Maloney
Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth is a concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our thoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, for the betterment of someone else’s.
It is as if depending on the other person who you hold so high is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent of the other. It’s root resides in a past when a person didn’t realize they really had wings that could fly. Therefore, for fear of abandonment, they suppressed their own self worth, avoided confrontation, and then continued to please who they were dependent upon.
In contrast, the counterdependent person who has someone codependent towards them, is pretending that they don’t need anyone else and have concluded that people only need them.
Both codependency and counterdependency are an internal defense systems that shield and protect from past wounds of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead the codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment and eventually depression.
Perhaps, it could be said that all of us are, to some degree, dependent upon others because, after all, we are social creatures who inevitably need each other in some capacity.
However, when it saps your very core of enjoying the gift of life God gave you, then the sun never rises and the darkness only gets darker.
We came into this world alone and we will also leave that way!
Inner strength comes from a true respect and love for yourself, no matter what the situation or condition is. Although, deep within many of our wounded souls, that love is not strong and therefore self respect is not properly attained.
This is where your deep-seated self-worth is obtained and how you perceive yourself. In addition, it is the weakened aura you emit to others see you that is not totally erect, but somewhat wilted.
Many of our true societal problems, whether they are insecurity, control issues, codependency, addictions, manipulative personality disorder, seclusion, or simple anger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, and self respect. Hence, people replace one problem for the another!
If you are lonely inside and do not feel as though you can love the real you, then any and all subsequent relationships will feel that same inner turmoil until your inside is truly loved!
These social problems listed above can intertwine, commingle and cross each other’s boundaries in a very insidious manner.
There is not one issue more serious than the other, they are more or less on an equal plane and being dependent on another, is certainly no exception.
By not allowing one’s self-worth to be determined by another’s perceptions, by not feeling that being loved by another is conditional on living up to the expectations of others, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely critical to healthy functioning!
Taking full accountability for the way you feel instead of others making that discerning determination allows you to be self dependent, kicks out the crutch, and makes you stand alone.
As scary as that may seem to some, it is by far the best way to perceive your self-worth. Trusting that you can own your own emotions, whether they are anger, happiness, setting boundaries, or leaving, is how we can come to the serene life we always dreamed of as a child.
These decisions and self-adjustments for the better can be made! It takes a personal acceptance and a subsequent love for yourself: then the fragile person previously tethering by a string, is now firmly tied unto itself, immersed in self confidence and independent, not codependent.
About The Author
Brian Maloney - ValuePrep.com
Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality-relationship advice from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit
http://valueprep.com
**Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners**
Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.
valuepre@valueprep.com
EMAIL VirtualeMedia.com Link to a Friend Click Here!
Freelancing is a great way to start your business or corporation. You can also use it to extend your skills or expand an existing business. If you are looking for a temporary employee, hiring a freelancer saves you both time and money.
Gaining Experience is difficult these days. There is no longer any excuse for not working when you can just start working from a freelance site. Just like Ebay, projects are offered and you place your offer. You gain income and experience whether or not you have experience or degree. If you are a hard worker and you want new experience or just experience in anything from data entry to advance skills in programming, writing, translation. If it is done on a computer, you can do it here.
Elance - Fee based(all types of work)
Freelance Project Database
The world's largest database of web design, graphic design, and admin projects! Click to see for yourself!
Scriptlance - Free Signup(mostly web based programming)
Post your resume on HotJobs.com today!
A VirtualeCorporation Website
Looking for your next $100k+ job? TheLadders.com is the most comprehensive site for $100k+ jobs, publishing four industry-specific newsletters that cater to the $100k+ professional:
FinanceLadder, SalesLadder, MktgLadder and UpLadder.
Sign up for the weekly job newsletter today and search over 16,000 job listings per month!