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Dating/Relationships
by: Steve Sokolowski

I run a blog where I discuss the topic of the many games people play in the dating arena. I've posted hundreds of articles, many of which point out many of the troubles between men and women. Even if you haven't read the blog, you probably are aware of some of these schemes. While I wish it were easy to sum everything up into one neat, overlying problem, it's not that simple. Let me point out just a few of the issues.

For one, there's a definite lack of respect in dating nowadays. People don't even care about their partners enough to treat them as they deserve to be treated. Gossip, ridiculously high expectations, and rejections by ignorance are only some of the examples in this area. Grandparents are always carrying on about how today's generation has such a lack of respect. They talk about how, in their day, people cared about others and banded together through difficult problems. Why do they talk about these things? Because they're right! Through every activity in which I've been involved, I've encountered this problem. I'm tired of working for a hundred hours on a video project when the president of the organization receives but doesn't bother to even reply to your E-Mails asking him to review it. I'm sick of being ostracized from groups because I don't care to participate in their petty disagreements. And I'm exhausted after people expect me to work to death in volunteer organizations!

There are always exceptions to this rule, and I'm sure that there are many people who do have a great deal of respect for both their peers and their elders. Unfortunately, the majority, or at least the majority with the most influence, simply don't care.

Second, nobody is honest with themselves, let alone anyone else. Dating has turned into a torrent of backstabbing of which even Mark Burnett would be proud. Asking someone out is nearly impossible, because the gossip about it has already spread to a thousand people before you make the move. Then, when a rejection occurs (even if it's not rude), the rejector spreads rumors around to all his/her friends that cause them to completely ignore you, refusing to invite you to parties or even to initiate conversations with you. The biggest insult is that even if you asked point-blank, you'd still never get a truthful answer as to why such harm was directed towards you.

As if what occurs after a rejection isn't enough, people attempt to steal others' girl/boyfriends. One day, things are going well, and the next you find yourself wondering what happened to the relationship that was forming - that is, until you notice that person spending a lot of time with who you thought was your best friend. No explanation is offered, not even a "good-bye."

Third, people are not looking for someone who spends his or her time working to get ahead instead of getting flat-out drunk, who doesn't curse at or ignore his or her mate, and who actually makes time for whatever is occurring between them (whether it be a full-fledged relationship or just plain sex). They say they're looking for these things, but in reality, they're attracted to people with the attributes described above. "Confidence" is not the answer to the equation. Assuming they both possess the same level of "confidence," the above-described person would win every time over the "warm, caring, and intelligent" (wo)man that people claim is the ideal mate.

The list of problems goes on. You might be intrigued to hear that while the problems seem innumerable, I propose they can all be rectified with the simplest of solutions. There's no danger involved, nobody has to lead radical changes, and it doesn't involve an "impossible" fight against biology.

I simply propose for men to stop asking women out.

Not for the rest of your life, but for just a short time, say, a month. It's not impossible, and you won't have to do it as much after the month passes. While there are a few (rare) exceptions, the vast majority of women don't ask out men 50% of the time. Women do have the advantage in dating, and it's time to level the playing field. Sure, talk with women as friends, and if someone initiates a conversation with you, then definitely reciprocate. However, let the woman ask you out if she's interested, no matter how attractive she is to you.

Some women have never asked anyone out in their lives. It's no wonder why these women continually treat men like they're lower beings. If they had to put up with the rejections that most men do all the time, I guarantee that they would have more respect for men. Women would no longer put up with moving from guy to guy based on who was interested in her at the moment. And spreading gossip about potential romantic interests certainly isn't going to help one's prospects.

People need to realize that humans, for all their ancestry, are not monkeys or horses or rabbits. They're humans, who can think and act for themselves.

Men have so much more capacity in the dating arena than constantly looking for sex at all costs, if they would only exercise it. It's time to stop being prisoners to so-called "biology." Women have the same urges men do, and they should do half the work, not 10% or 20%.

There are a lot of "seduction communities" on the Internet that teach men how to "seduce" women. I don't know of any similar organization that teaches women how to impress men with the same fervor.

There's my proposal. I don't think it's hard to implement. Imagine if all the men even at one corporation or university decided to ban together. Laziness won't be a problem, becausenobody even has to do anything. It's time to change our distorted culture. All I'm suggesting is to promote equality. Is that such a bad thing?

About The Author

Steve Sokolowski is the managing editor of "Games are for Children," a website dedicated to restoring honesty and integrity to dating and relationships. His E-Mail address is steve@shoemakervillage.org .